dear lady,

So pretty much the only reason why i got a livejournal again was because I have had so mant things on my mind.

Lately I've been feeling like I have a bad "reputation" at my church. I'm not perfect. I'm loud, outspoken, passionate....everything BUT shy. I'm not the quiet-do-everything-you-say Chrisitina girl. I'm not a Jenny. Sorry, I'm not. I'll tell what 's on my mind weather you like it or now. I never sugar-coat ANYTHING. fjklsjfd Gah... I feel like I need to start acting different at church. I feel like I should be a "Jenny" so I don't feel loook down upon. Lately I have had o many things go wrong between my fellow brothers and sisters...that I almost want to scream in thier face telling them "I AM NO T PERFECT!." ....But that will never happen. I don't know. Things are changing...Slowly...I feel like I don't belong there anymore...Maybe its a phase...maybe I'll get over it....But i highly doubt it. I love the ministry I'm involved in, I love the people, atmosphere....everything, but there's just something that's there that I can't put my finger on that makes me NOT want to be there..Oh jeez I don't know. I feel like maybe I haven't been putting my whole heart in this...myabe it IS me and my laziness...Maybe it's the drive...Maybe..Maybe...I want this gut feeling to go away. I want to be able to walk in there and feel like I used to.

Oh and did I mention I don't really have a best firend. I say I do, but I don't. It goes the trio, the duo...and me. Yea I own't mention names but people know what I'm talking about. I feel like I really haven't been ocnnecting withmy friends in Orange County, and since I work all the time...they haven't been calling me to hang out. Whatever.fnsjljfl. They'll never know how I feel. On things like this I'll never tell them....gah.

Anyways I'm out of here I'll probably take this down in fear that someone from my chruch will read this and freak out.

Whatever.

lovelovelove